Mad Thoughts 3

So…finally…the moment I’ve kept you  (specifically you) waiting for. Umm… Yeah, I’ve been tired. I barely did the internet at all yesterday. But here’s something. I recorded it today. So, yeah. This is all you get. Enjoy.

I couldn’t quite figure out a great way to deliver the last line in a way I’d like, but I think you’ll get the point.

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I haven’t posted anything yet. I have thought about much of anything yet. I want to put up a video tomorrow, okay? The metaphorical thread of thought I’m running is even thinner than the ozone layer, but I’m gonna tell you what I’m thinking anyway. Scientists have recently implanted false memories into mice. Does that mean everything you know is wrong? No. It does not. But you’re still wrong. Anyway, that’s all I got…at least for now.

Homemade Philosopher

philosophy:
“only one thing is certain
but i’m not entirely sure what it is”
so I sit in my bed and get lost in my head
so, they say I’m a philosopher because i accidentally thought about life once
as i stepped on a nail that somehow mysteriously fell out of the woodwork
i screamed at the top of my lungs
and thought the nails situation eerily similar to mine
If you would claim i’m over thinking things
i would uncertainly agree
you might even go as far to call me slightly crazy
but I placed a bandage upon my foot (comparing it to you)
so it covered up the hole in my sole
and i wondered as i wandered off to sleep

And that’s today’s poem. By the way I changed my mind at last-minute. I do apologize. Feel free to leave a comment complaining about it but I’m just gonna delete it. (#insidejoke #wordpressdoesntsupporthashtags #hashtagsowhyamidoingthis) . No, seriously. Sorry about that. I don’t know where I’ve been. Actually, I do. But, anyway…ummmmmm…

Worth Your While

Whew! So I’ve been recovering this past couple of days. Apparently I had some sort of issue with my digestive system. Holy freaking actual crap. It sucked. But now I’m back to blog and I’m gonna blog to my heart’s content for chrissake because why else would I have a blog if I wasn’t going to mash letters into my keyboard and blog like hell. No one can stop me from blogging, not even the government. I don’t know if they read if they read my blog, but they might be reading my emails. So go ahead send me an email about how amazing this blog is. If they want to get between our intimate relationship, they’ll have to pry this laptop from my cold dead hands. I don’t care how much military force they may have. They might have helicopters, but I have a blog. They can’t stop me.

I don’t know what I’m doing now. I sprained my ankle last week. There’s thunderstorm outside now and I haven’t done anything productive in years. I need to take my SATs at point. I need to do some sort of community service so I can graduate. But now I’m sitting inside on my laptop and my mother is visiting the emergency room because I don’t know she’s sick or something. Now, we are going to share this wondrous bonding moment even if you are a stranger from across the world.  I promise you it will be worth your while. In fact I’m going to improvise a poem right now called Worth Your While

Dear, come with me
I have something to show you
all admission costs is your one
solitary while
that you earned back in junior high
the only while you’ll ever have
but i promise the most amazing
experience you’ll ever have
you’ve only got one while
i know you
don’t want to waste it
this time though i assure you
it’s worth your while

That’s just off the top of my head. I don’t know if it’s any good yet. I haven’t looked over it. But as anything I write, I’m sure it’s top quality you can only get at monkeyprodigy.wordpress.com. Check that site out some time, will ya?  Thank you. Hears to hoping this post was Worth Your While.

  • Hello Blog (rebeccareddin.wordpress.com) – Enter: Rebecca Reddin. That sounds wrong , but I like people who make blogs. They’re cool people…sometimes.

How to win people over in five easy steps

A few grammatical mistakes here and there, but I find that this is pretty good advice.

Cartopia

Every wonder how to win people over and get them to do what you want, whether it’s a business proposal, an opinion, or gathering friends to hang out and get smashed? Well, I’ve compiled this handy list, so you too can be influential and get what you want!

  1. Be insistent, by which I mean whine. Constantly go up to people and say things like “Come on man,” and “Pleeeeeaaaaaassssseeee?” It’ll wear them down after a while and they’ll be willing to do anything to get you off their back.
  2. Lie. Sometimes your position isn’t quite as solid as you’d like it to be or your get rich quick scheme is a little riskier than you’d like others to know. The only way to get around this hurdle is to make things up. If someone asks you if your idea to invent heated underwear has any risks, don’t tell them about…

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1 Year Later

It has just come to my attention that WordPress.com has informed me that it’s been an entire year since I’ve begun blogging at WordPress.com. You know, I’m glad to be here. A lot of things have changed since I’ve begun. For one thing I have a lot more posts up now. Also I’m a year older now. I got a haircut. I’ve now got a few followers that worship me or maybe they just read the posts. I don’t really know. Hmm… One year ago I made a post about the mission a writer, which undoubtedly is to brainwash you via subliminal messaging. I don’t really know what else to say. So, without further ado, enjoy this exclusive lazily produced video. Lazily written read by yours truly. You won’t find this sort of crud anywhere else. Unless of course, you do for some reason. Oh, and don’t worry we probably won’t get struck with an asteroid anytime soon. I’m trying to prove a point. I am answering the age-old question: Nature or Nurture? Lets see how I did. 

Critics say:

“I like it” and “It’s okay.”. and sometimes even “it’s great”.

Personally I didn’t watch it. But I’m sure it’s amazing.

Revenge

This image shows a whole and a cut lemon.
This image shows a whole and a cut lemon. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Yeah I’ve been trying to record this, but I’m having technical difficulties. I’ll try to record something… maybe next week…*I run away quickly*.

Revenge
sweet revenge is always better
than bitter revenge
for sweet revenge never leaves a sour taste in one’s mouth afterward
when life distributes unwanted lemons
do not make lemonade
throw the lemons in the trash
make iced tea instead
add extra sugar
extra EVERYTHING
hang a sign up:
“Serving vengeance with a smile.”  

Poem

i visited the supermarket
looking to buy truth, insight, and wisdom
i really think i needed some
but when i talked to the cashier
she “oh, we don’t sell that here”
and every other place seemed to be out of stock
so i took a walk
down the road back to home
i have a house built with bricks and stone
not plastered with human wit
that’s why I don’t sleep under a bridge

An Update On The Life of Micah Bauman

So, it’s been awhile since I’ve written about myself (which is odd because that’s one of my all time favorite things to write about; besides spaghetti of course). But I think it’s time again I talk about myself.  Summertime is coming soon for me, but I have a lot of preparations to go through before I can start college. That’s getting ahead of things though, because this summer I’ll become a senior. So, I’ve officially selected the classes I’ll be taking for my final year in high school and I’ve opted not to take Holocaust Literature.
Sure, the holocaust might be interesting to study, but it’s gotta be really goddamn depressing to have to read story after story about it. First we’d read about Anne Frank, then we’d read Schindler’s List, and then… those are the only pieces of literature about the holocaust that I’m aware of (unless you count Mien Kampf). I’m immensely excited about not having to attend high school for two months though.

I hope to have more time to blog this summer and possibly even get in a couple of videos. I don’t know quite what I’ll end up doing. Maybe I’ll take some photographs,  write some more poetry, swim with sharks, wrestle a bear… Who cares? Carpe Diem!

Speaking of seizing the day, next Friday will be my birthday. To many people’s dismay, that means it’s been 17 years since I’ve entered this world, but each year has been worth it, except maybe 2 or 3 of them that were a complete waste of time. That’s in the past now though.

Earth Day Poem

I apologize for not posting anything this weekend. I know it’s poetry month. But I’ve been appreciating jazz. Anyway in honor of Earth Day, here’s a poem (I don’t know what to call it) about dead people…and worms.

I shall not ever mourn the dead
for the dead have never done anything for me
for once the living stop living
they decide it’s time to stop giving
dead people are lazy
and corpses are just boring
rather a shell of a man
one who once served the community
now only serves the worms
maybe i’ll mourn the worms
for without the worms we’d never be living at all

 

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