Poetry About Donald Trump

Why don’t people write poetry about politics? Why don’t people write poems about Donald Trump not understanding the electoral college system and calling for a revolution (see: treason). I think the main issue with writing poetry about politics is that many folks simply have nothing new or original to say about politics. Although I did read a conspiracy theory the other day on how Barack Obama was actually Kurt Cobain. But that’s not poetry. That’s prose and mediocre prose at best. So my question is are there any good poems out there that focus on things like GOP candidates, angry tea partiers, and legalizing gay marriage and marijuana that are actually worth reading. Lets ask the great prophet Google for guidance. I’m going to try a couple of different approaches and see if they wield interesting results. And no I’m not just doing this to get lots of hits on my blog. Do I look like my father? Anyway, let’s try out some search terms:

Search term: legalizing marijuana poetry

Result: this
My Thoughts: While it definitely is an interesting poem. It has puns about lemonade and capitalism. But the poem seems to assume its audience is going to understand just what exactly his friend is talking about. It might be slightly different if these we’re exact quotes by his friend. But nothing in the poem suggests are even vaguely hints at that. What’s cookie cutter capitalism? Are you implying that socialists societies do not have cookie cutters? He goes on to state his case that marijuana should be legal on the grounds that marijuana is really fun and has very few side effects.

Search Term: class size doesn’t matter poem
Result (and Thoughts): In short: not much. Mostly poets talking about things that don’t matter instead of writing poetry.

So far I haven’t found anything I particularly enjoy. And just like the rest of America, I’m getting impatient. So let’s try a new approach for this next Google search.

Search Term: Donald Trump Haiku
speeding limo-crazy hair…
next stop, White House?

U.S. marine band
leads a majestic cadence…
Hail to the Donald!

Guiding Documents
Constitution, Bill of Rights…
The Art of the Deal?

The Donald, the phrase
not just for apprentices…

Thoughts: Not bad.

The Tiger Verison 2: Coming Soon To Video…Eventually

Be love
be fearless
be one with the tiger
dragged by the foot
yet i got my wish
to pet that kitty
everyone has a reason for the things they do
out from the train
over the fence i went

I was thinking about recording a video. But unfortunately there are some other folks occupying my studios. One of them is named Your Mom and claims she lives here. I wrote this poem more than once before filming the video. I’m probably going to upload this version also. Enjoy the poem.

If your curious of what this poem is about: click here.

How To Improvise

Hello I am the emerging poet, Monkey Prodigy (of course that’s my real name) and although I have never been fishing on the Susquehanna, today I’m going to attempt to show you how to improvise. Not just anybody can improvise. It takes a special type of person to accomplish such a feat. Preferably an improvisor has to have legs. Okay I suppose it doesn’t need legs. I suppose a snake could improvise if he really wanted to. Like if he had to distract some sort of speedy Mexican rodent that is easily distracted by show tunes. I have no idea what that means. But that’s why I don’t usually improvise. Everything thing I do is meticulously planned out. A few days ago I decide that in 27.56 days later I would write a blog post that was improvised. But of course I eventually decided not to write that post because that would turn out absolutely aweful and I mean “aweful”. The post would be so brilliant that you would be in so much awe that you would end up in a mental hospital surrounded by a bunch of sketchy strangers who insist on asking you how you “feel” today. I’m not trying to say I’m absolutely horrible at improvising. There’s no doubt that everything is brilliant. It’s just that somehow I always feel like there’s something I could have done differently. But I never wanna go back and change it, which is the way I look at real life a lot too. I’ve already made so many blog posts, whether masterpieces or not. It would be extremely tedious to spend years perfecting the same old blog posts. Of course I should edit out the grammatical errors and things of those source but that just kind of sucks. Besides, those posts are in the pasts. And we should learn from the past but also laugh at it. But don’t laugh at it too much. The past gets quite self-conscious. And it may seem to the average reader… wait a second what is an average reader?… and whose funky signature is this? It looks as if there’s a B. Maybe even an I. Possibly even a Collin somewhere in there. Who could that be? Maybe my father could recognize this signature? Probably not.


Mad Thoughts by Micah Bauman: Episode 1

Welcome to a new era of awesome. I’ve decided to think about posting videos more often… almost regularly (hmm, odd). You can now, hopefully enjoy videos every week… maybe. I’m really not sure. What do you think? I recorded and edited this in only a few hours so enjoy.

Testimonials, see what people are saying about Mad Thoughts by Micah Bauman:

“it’s a bunch of weird short poems”

– Jon Bauman

What Am I Doing

I’m not really sure what I’m doing anymore. When I started this blog I wrote about “the mission of a writer” or something to that effect. But I have to ask myself, what exactly is the mission of a writer. I know a few writers feel like they are on a mission to change the world or something like that. But I have to ask, how can you change the world when you haven’t even changed your own backyard yet. I don’t write because I have something to say. Which isn’t to say I don’t have anything to say. It’s just that I enjoy saying. Writing has become a habit for me, possibly even an obsession. I don’t think I could ever stop writing. Even I did stop writing… that would be the end of me. I’m not trying to evoke any emotion in my readers or change the way they feel about anything. But if they take something out of my writing, good for them. Anyway, these are just some thoughts I’d like to pass along. Good day.

Emotional Time

I recently was ridiculed on the internet for not liking somebody’s poem. Apparently there is nothing worse you can say to a person than that you honestly think something they wrote is not as good as they think it is. I suppose I was wrong. I suppose I was too cruel. I could’ve said something more positive, but I get the feeling that even then I would be offending people. I’m just too honest with people. One of two things obviously needs to change in the grand scheme of things. Either people need to stop being so sensitive about their poetry or I need to have a change of heart. As my victim says, I just “don’t understand the depths of emotions.” Well this my time to change. My time to be emotional for once in my life. I need to put my overactive imagination and astounding intellect on the back burner and allow my emotions alone to guide me through my writing. Please bear with me as I get in touch with my emotions.


I am very confused
I am not in a foul mood today
In fact i feel brilliant
like a light is glowing
and that light is bright
it is inside my heart
it is burning my insides
killing me slowly
not really
none of that is true
yet it is very emotional
i am confused


Well that’s it. That was my attempt to get in touch with my emotions. I’m not quite sure how I feel about being emotional. It seems silly. Add a comment if you will and have a nice day.

Mixed Up Messages: Turned In For Cunning

So, the other day in math class the teacher got annoyed with people leaving the classroom early. So he said if we left we would be turned in for cutting. And while cutting is indeed bad I initially misheard his warning as being turned in for cunning. Even if that is not what he said it’s certainly more interesting, if not necessarily grammatically. How do does one be turned in for cunning. I experimented with this in my journal but I’m not quite sure. What do you guys think?

i have been turned in for cunning
for clever
for deceit
caught in the act of sneak
and now i must face the consequence
i will never cun again

Poets Are Jerks

Okay, so not all poets are jerks. But now after slacking off for a few weeks I’ve decided to come back to senses… and my nonsenses. I need to write now!

So last week I went to that see that poet, Jennifer Miller Carboni,  at the library. Don’t get the wrong idea. She was nice and read some pretty neat poems. She had her nephew with her, who read a Shel Silverstein poem, which was cute. But the one thing I noticed was that only a few people showed up. Isn’t that odd. Is it really true that no reads poetry. She tried to fix this making her poems simple and easy to understand or maybe that’s just her style I don’t know. Yet I can’t help but think that the art of writing is slowly dying away and we ,the writers, only have ourselves to blame.

When is the last time you just casually offered to read someone poetry? Compare that to the last time you shared music or went to the movies. People don’t just casually read and write poetry anymore. They always have an ulterior motive. They always have to promote themselves and their way of thinking. They all have a baloney goal they seek to score, whether political, religious or whatever pile of crap they want you to buy.

But maybe all of this is our, as the writers fault. The biggest flaw of the modern writer is our outrageous pride. A lot of us, me included, have assumed that some people are not understand our art. I’ve acted before as if the world isn’t ready for my amazing form of work. The time has come to stop being so selfish and start educating people.

Anyway thank you for listening to my rant and have an atypical day. I’m gonna eat some pizza now. Bye.

Changing Your Approach

I am an artist in every sense of the word. But enough about me. Unless you wanted to talk about me? Sorry, I got something else on my mind today. I got a lot on my mind. I’m a busy guy. Okay not really. But my father apparently is I suppose. He’s a poet. Not many people know what a poet is. Last post I asked that question with a curious result.  But poets are neat. Poets are someone I’d love to associate myself with. More importantly their people that should be associated with me.

But get to the point you say. The point is… evidently there is going to be a poet in my “wonderful hometown” of Lock Haven, at the Ross Library very soon. Apparently she’s a newscaster too. But who cares about the news. Lets talk about poetry. Her is name is Jennifer Miller Carboni and I haven’t read anything from her yet but would be interested what she has to say as she has actually…*gasps*… gotten a book about poetry published. What an accomplishment? wait a second that wasn’t a question She deserves a standing ovation no matter what you say.

The title of Jennifer Miller Carboni’s book, which again I’m sorry I haven’t read yet, is titled No One Reads Poetry Anymore. This is a subject that has petrified my father for a while now and we should all be shocked. What if people never listened to the radio anymore or made bad prime time TV shows anymore? This is a travesty and we should all be outraged. But there is hope. The only thing you have to do is change your approach.

That’s right I said “change your approach”. Don’t look at me like that. “But what’s wrong with my approach? Are you saying I’m a bad artist or a bad poet?” you ask. That’s not what I’m saying at all. I’m saying when your literally dropping poetry on people, you shouldn’t be shocked when people begin to get sick of it.

Allow me to provide a comparison. Have you seen any of the new Five Hour Energy commercials in which the sheriff threatens you into buying his product even after you’ve already purchased enough coffee to be set for life. If not watch this:

Edit: sorry it wouldn’t let me embed the video I wanted to post.
If some one would do that to you in real life, you would be pissed off, pardon my language. Who does he think he is? People love their coffee. And there’s one thing the sheriff has forgotten to mention and that is that his horrendous little energy shot taste like coughing syrup and most people would rather not drink coffee syrup first thing in the morning.

Jennifer says she wouldn’t call her work poetry. She prefers the term freestyle poetry. Jennifer are you reading this, Jen?, If you’re gonna call poetry anything besides poetry, call it art. Thanks for reading and have good night or day or whatever it is in your little corner of the universe. *winks* Goodbye.

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